Same Father, Different Griefs


Learning how to live when someone close to you is gone, is a difficult process. The pain is excruciating. The journey is lonely and a feeling of darkness is inevitable.

Although my sister and I lost the same father, our grief was on opposite sides of the spectrum. Grief is a personal experience. No two people grieve the same…not even twins!

There’s a common misconception and expectation that there’s a time frame from getting from one place to another. If someone expects you to react the same as they did then they are not living in reality. There is no such thing as a “how to grieve” book. There’s not even a right or wrong way to grieve.

Grief is like the stomach bug. You just got to let it run its course! No matter how much you try to fight it, it’s going to come up.

Give yourself permission to be depressed, sad, angry, whatever emotions you are experiencing, it’s normal. Don’t allow others to make you feel bad about how you are grieving (unless you are doing something that brings you harm) they’re lucky not to understand.

Grief has no timeline and I don’t believe in stages. If that were true, then a stage would only occur once. Grief is like a storm that comes and goes. Some days are calm, like a day of gentle rain. Whereas, others are like a turbulent storm. After the storm, you wait for the sun to shine and the sky to clear. Before you know it, here comes the clouds once again and you are right back to where you started. Grief is like a season of constantly changing weather.